Risking it All: An M/M, rockstar, second chance romance (Kingston Brothers Book 4) Read online

  He slaps my shoulder as I walk by, grinning from ear to ear. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. I’ll even let you pick first.”

  Skyler’s insatiable. I may be photographed with women in every city, but he’s definitely banging one. . .or two in every city. Hell, maybe more. I don’t know. I just throw condoms at him and hope he’s using them.

  I’m not saying I haven’t slept with any women. I’d be an even bigger liar if I said that, because I’ve done it. Lord knows I’ve tried to enjoy myself, too. I drink enough to loosen up and then I go for it.

  Sometimes it’s just a blowjob. Sometimes it’s sex. There’s been a lot of making out and a lot of touching, but there’s never been passion. There’s never been lust.

  Not since Ali.

  Alejandro Barrera.

  He was my friend in school, and my sexual awakening happened with him. We haven’t seen each other in years. He came to our performance in King’s Tavern—my brother, Royce’s bar, and then I was able to get him to visit me at my brother Elijah’s house when we had a going away party before the band departed to New York right before our first album came out.

  Things were weird between us then, but I’d take weird over radio silence in a second. He’s been ignoring me for ages, and I need to find him and tell him how sorry I am. I just don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.

  Would you forgive someone who lied to you and kept things from you? I sure as fuck wouldn’t, but I’m hoping Ali is a better person than I am.

  3

  Alejandro

  Present Day

  “Who ordered the Toucan Sam?” the waiter asks the table.

  “I did,” Jordy says, raising his hand.

  “What the hell is a Toucan Sam, anyway?” I ask, drinking my beer.

  “It’s Gin, pineapple juice, simple syrup, and maybe something else. And Froot Loops, of course,” he answers, grabbing a loop and popping it into his mouth.

  “Sounds gross.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re gross.”

  I roll my eyes. Jordy’s been one of my closest friends for the last few years. We met at the very first gay bar I ever went to. He came over to me and said, “First time?” I nodded and he grinned. “Knew it. You can always spot the newbies. You look both frightened and excited. Come with me.”

  He introduced me to a couple of his friends, and we hit it off right away.

  “Hey, turn that up,” Charlie tells the bartender.

  I glance up at the TV screen hoisted up in the corner of the bar. They’re talking about The Unwanted, a band that was formed in my hometown of Gaspar. I try not to pay attention, but my ears perk up when I hear his name.

  “Merrick Kingston along with Sky Montgomery of the rock band, The Unwanted, were photographed in Paris with a couple of women. . .each. Don’t worry, ladies, doesn’t look like these two are settling down any time soon. The band is on the last leg of their tour and will soon be heading home for a well-deserved vacation. The band comes from a small town in Ohio, but I don’t think small-town life is enough for these rock stars. You can. . .”

  “All right, turn that off. It’s just stupid tabloid gossip.”

  “What?” Charlie spins in my direction but points his finger at the TV. “Those are facts.”

  “Nobody cares.”

  “I think a lot of people care,” AJ says. “Especially the people of Gaspar. That’s not that far away from us. What is it? Like an hour?”

  “Forty-five minutes,” I murmur.

  “Oh yeah, you’re from there, right? Did you know any of them?” AJ questions.

  “I wish I knew a couple of them,” Charlie says, taking a sip of his drink. “I would do very naughty things to those little rock gods.”

  “None of them are really little,” Jordy adds.

  “Even better.”

  “If y’all are just gonna salivate over these guys, I’m gonna go hang out with my straight friends,” I say.

  Jordy shoves me in the shoulder. “Oh please. You know we’re more fun.”

  “Why do you hate the band so much?” Charlie asks.

  “I don’t hate them.”

  Which is pretty true. I don’t hate Carlos, Jay, or Sky. I know them, but was never really close with any of them. Merrick on the other hand. . .it’s a long story.

  I wouldn’t say I hate him either, though. I’m just over him and his bullshit.

  A tiny voice in the back of my head says, are you though?

  “So, are you gonna head back home and hope to get a sighting?” Jordy’s eyes twinkle with excitement.

  I shake my head but can’t help but smile at my friend. “I go visit my mom all the time. I doubt I’ll see any of them though.” Read: I hope I don’t see one specific person.

  “I’ve been through that town, not a whole lot to it. I can see why you left,” AJ says.

  “It’s not like I went far.”

  “Yeah, but we have more city life here. Gay bars, for one. Places that stay open past ten, for two. And plenty more fish in the sea.”

  He’s right about that. I left Gaspar because I had a job offering here in Chaparral, but having more nightlife was definitely a plus, and getting away from Gaspar was good for me. I needed to distance myself from everything that reminded me of Merrick Kingston. I thought it would work, but I’m not sure it did. He and his band got so big, there’s no escaping them. They’re on TV, the radio, billboards, magazine covers. Everything.

  I haven’t told anybody about my experience with Merrick. At first, it was a secret we both kept. After our first kiss, we went a long while without bringing it up. Both of us were scared of what we’d acknowledged by kissing, and nothing happened between us for at least six months.

  Between the ages of seventeen and eighteen were our best times. That’s when we had the same dreams. The same plans for the future. We were still scared to tell people, but we knew when we did, we’d do it together.

  When Merrick turned eighteen and graduated high school, he started leaving Gaspar for months at a time with the guys in his band. They traveled to nearby cities and bordering states, playing any and everywhere they could. They had their own plans then.

  I started college, and when Merrick would be back in town, we’d meet up. Things were already changing then, but we pretended our plans were still going to happen. He never brought up when he’d come out, so I didn’t either. What we had remained a secret.

  By the time we were twenty, I was halfway through with college, and I had come out to my family and close friends. I found a boyfriend, too.

  Merrick wasn’t happy about any of it.

  4

  Alejandro

  6 Years Ago

  My phone pings with an alert. When I look at the screen, my heart drops and I lose all the breath in my lungs.

  Kingston: Hey, I’m home. Wanna meet up?

  I don’t respond for almost two hours, because I know what he means by meeting up. Every time we get together after he’s been gone, we hook up. But I have a boyfriend now, and that means I have to tell him that I came out already.

  My boyfriend, Shae, drops down on the couch next to me. “Why do you look so worried over here?” He kisses my cheek and squeezes my thigh.

  I grin and put my pencil down on the table in front of me, then lean back into the couch and take his hand in mine.

  “I’m fine. What do you have going on tonight?”

  He huffs. “Study group. Hopefully I won’t be there all night. Why? What’s up with you?”

  “I may go see an old friend. He just came back to town.”

  Shae, with his buzzed blond hair and blue eyes is the epitome of a pretty boy. He’s got very little facial hair and baby soft skin. He’s so handsome. Beautiful, even. On top of his looks, he’s such a gentle soul. He loves everyone and everyone loves him back. He’s always jumping at volunteering opportunities. He’s the best. But he’s no Merrick Kingston.

  “Well, all right. Text me when you’re back, okay?”

/>   I nod and he gives me a kiss before leaving my apartment. We’ve only been together for a few months, but it’s been amazing.

  I pick up my phone and text back.

  Me: Meet me at Antoni’s? 15 minutes?

  Kingston: Sure.

  I’m there in ten, and I watch as he rounds the corner and crosses in front of the window. God, he’s grown. He looks taller and broader in the shoulders. I haven’t seen him in nearly eight months, and almost forgot how fucking sexy he is.

  He pulls open the door, triggering the bell above to jingle, and walks straight to me with a tiny smirk playing on his lips. He always looks like he’s thinking about something lascivious. I stand up, unsure what to do. I want to hug and kiss him and tell him how much I’ve missed him. Not in just the least eight months, but these last few years. I wish we could go back to being seventeen again.

  “Ali,” he says with a small chuckle, opening his arms to me.

  I step to him, and we’re chest to chest with our arms wrapped around each other. “Hey,” I manage.

  “God, you look good,” he whispers into my ear, sending goose bumps down my arms.

  I clear my throat and step back. “Nice to see you again,” I say, sitting back down in my chair. No need to let anyone see I’ve already started getting hard.

  “Dude, it’s been what? Four months? Five?” he asks.

  “Eight.”

  “Shit. Eight fucking months? Really?”

  “Yep. How’ve you been? Busy, I guess.”

  He grins and runs his hand through his hair, and I track every movement. The veins in his arms catch my attention, as does the twinkle in his eyes as he looks at me. “Yeah, man. Real busy. We’ve been doing shows all through PA and up to New York. Of course, we started here in Ohio. Jay’s dad has some connections, I guess, and he hooked us up with this guy who’s been our promoter.” He chuckles. “Shit, can you believe how that sounds? We have a promoter. Anyway, yeah, so he’s been calling all over the place and sending emails, setting up gigs. We’ve played state fairs, charity events, store openings, and even been in some bars and casinos. We got lucky and got squeezed into a music festival in Philly and New York. It’s been crazy.”

  I can’t help but smile as I listen to him. He always lights up when he talks about his music. “That’s good, man. I’m proud of you.”

  “Yeah?” he asks sheepishly. He glances around the room and lowers his voice when he says, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

  I fight off my grin. “Oh yeah? I haven’t heard from you in a long time.”

  Merrick ducks his head, scratching at his jaw. “I know. I’m sorry. You just can’t imagine what it’s like out there. We’re on the move non-stop.”

  “I get it.”

  He looks around again. “I want to touch you. Why did you pick the most public place to meet?”

  It takes me a few seconds before I can lift my head and look him in the eye. “We gotta talk, Kingston.”

  He sits back, already looking heartbroken. “What is it?”

  I exhale deeply. “I’m dating someone.”

  “Oh.” He tries to hide the disappointment, but I see it. I’m watching him too closely to miss the hurt in his eyes. “Who is it?”

  I chew on my bottom lip for a second, scared to tell him. “His name is Shae.”

  Pure shock blankets his face. “I’m sorry, what? Who? It’s a him?”

  I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in my chair. “Why is that a surprise, Kingston? Obviously, I’m into dudes.”

  His eyes shift around the room again, nervous. “Uh, yeah, but. . .”

  “I came out already. Anybody I care about knows the truth.”

  “You came out?” He sounds like he’s in a daze.

  “I did.”

  “We had planned to do that together.”

  “We planned a few things, Kingston. Shit changes. You’re never here.”

  “Ali.” He whispers my name, falling back in his chair. The dejection in his eyes pierces my heart. “Nothing’s changed. I still want the same things we talked about.”

  “Oh really? So you’re ready to quit playing music? You want to move away with me to New York? That was our plan, Kingston. We wanted to turn eighteen, tell our families we were gay and in love, then run off to New York and live happily ever after in a city that offers much more than this little town.” I shake my head. “Those are the dreams of children. I don’t expect that to happen.”

  “Back then I didn’t think music was going to take off like it did. We could get a record deal, Ali. We’ve been sending off demos and selling our music at the shows we do. We could really make it.”

  “And I mean it when I say I’m really proud of you. I am. I hope you do make it. But you and I both know that if that happens, there’s no room for me.”

  “You could come with us,” he offers. “You know the guys. We can travel around together.”

  “Do the guys know you’re gay?”

  Once again, he’s quick to scan the surrounding area. “Can we go outside, please? Take a walk?”

  I stand up and pay for my soda, then meet him outside. “I can tell by your skittish behavior that nobody knows you’re gay yet.”

  “Of course nobody knows. We were going to do that together, remember?”

  “Yeah, two years ago.”

  “I’ve been busy!”

  “I know, and that’s fine, but did you expect me to keep hiding who I am from everybody until you were ready? That’s not fair to me. And what am I supposed to tell the rest of the band? That I want to travel along just for the fun of it? We still wouldn’t be able to be together. Plus, I’m in college. I’m getting a degree. I have to worry about my future, too.”

  We turn the corner, moving farther away from people traveling down Main Street. “I still want a future with you,” he says.

  I sigh. “You’re not ready.”

  He yanks me into an alleyway and pushes me against the concrete wall. His hips pin me in place and his hands go to my waist. “I know I want you. I know how I feel when I think about you. Why is that not enough?”

  I force myself to keep my hands at my sides, even though I want them to explore his body. “I don’t want what we have to be a secret, and you’re not ready to be out yet.”

  Merrick runs his thumb over my lips. “Then I’ll come out. I’ll tell my brothers and I’ll tell the band. Then we can be together.”

  My chest heaves with deep breaths as I get lost in his eyes. “I have a boyfriend,” I say softly.

  Merrick dips his head and lets his nose run down my cheek before he buries his face in my neck and inhales. “But I want you.”

  “You want to fuck me,” I say, bringing my fingers to the belt loops of his jeans.

  He groans and I feel his cock harden against mine. “That too.”

  “Then let me know when you tell people. Don’t rush, and don’t do it for me, but let me know when it happens.”

  He slowly pulls away from me. “You’re killing me, Ali. I’ve been dying to see you and you’re here telling me you have a boyfriend. A fucking boyfriend. God! I’ve only ever been with you.” He shakes his head slowly, his eyes full of sorrow. “You’re breaking my heart.”

  My own heart shatters at his words, then he turns and walks away from me.

  5

  Merrick

  Present Day

  “I’ll tell you what,” Jay says, laying across the couch, his blond hair hanging over the arm. “I can’t wait until this tour is done. We’ve been on the road for almost a fucking year. I am exhausted. I think I’m gonna head to that island with Sky.”

  “Fuck off. Get your own island,” Sky calls out from the bar in the suite of my hotel room. “It’s only gonna be me and like five or six chicks. Only one dick is allowed on my island.”

  Jay rolls his eyes. “What’re you doing, Merrick? Goin’ home? Goin’ back to Paris to find those chicks you were caught with?”

  I ignore th
e comment about the girls in Paris. No need to tell the band that when we got into the hotel, I got them a room for themselves and called it a night. “Yeah, I’m goin’ home. My brothers are already expecting me.”

  “I thought about it, but my parents don’t even live there anymore, and I didn’t really stay in touch with people we went to school with. So.” He shrugs, then throws a baseball up and catches it.

  “I’m probably going back for a few days,” Carlos says from the other couch. “That’s about all I can take when it comes to being around my family. I bought them a bigger house out in the country, new cars, and I throw some cash at them every once in a while. It’s still not enough.”

  “I’ll be staying in a hotel,” I tell them. “I usually stay with Elijah, but I don’t want to intrude on newlywed time.”

  “I can’t believe Elijah got married,” Sky says with a laugh. “Man, he hated when we’d practice in the garage. Always coming out and asking when we were gonna go home.”

  “Yeah, he found the love of his life and didn’t hesitate to lock her down. But I’m happy for him. Royce is planning his wedding now, too. And Cill and Midge just got a house together, so I imagine wedding bells are in their future, too.”

  “Damn, everyone’s getting old and settling down,” Jay says, still throwing his ball. “You next, Merrick?” he asks with a laugh, like he knows I’m far from settling down.

  “He better not be,” Sky says. “I need my wingman.”

  I shake my head and chuckle. “Come on, none of us are getting married anytime soon, right? We’ll have this little break, then be back at it.”

  “I’m with Tish,” Jay adds. “We make it work.”

  Sky scoffs. “Tish is nothing but a groupie, bro. She’s probably at some other band’s concert right now.”

  “Fuck off,” Jay says. “She loves me.”